A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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