So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
