why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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