Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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