I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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