i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
