Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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