My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
