my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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