There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
