Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
soo... how was my night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
