Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
