Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
