she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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