I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
