loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize