So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
