just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
