Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
a search helicopter?!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
