i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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