I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
