Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
