Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize