it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
