Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
