If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
