Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
