i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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