My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
