This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
