just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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