Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
