Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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