I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
