They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
