More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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