I want to have your abortion
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
