I will die if light touches me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
