Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
