I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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