Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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