It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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