i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize