During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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