I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
