Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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