Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
