Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
