this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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