I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize