I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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