No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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