I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
