The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
