I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
