Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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