If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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