Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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