i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
