Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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