i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
