i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
