if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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