You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
