Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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