She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize