i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
