In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize