I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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