her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
