I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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