drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
