my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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