This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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