There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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