every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
