Your mouth is God's brothel.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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