He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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