WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
