JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
