he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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