my soul wont recognize me after tonight
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
