I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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