This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
