Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
