When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
