How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
