My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
